


Kiss Me, Jeremiah

by HenceNothingRemains



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Drug use without actual drugs, First Kiss, Get with the program, Happy 4/20 y'all, High SQUIP, Instant ramen is the lasagna of the poor, M/M, Mountain Dew Baja Blast - Freeform, Weed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-20
Updated: 2019-04-20
Packaged: 2020-01-22 19:39:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18534145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HenceNothingRemains/pseuds/HenceNothingRemains
Summary: Jeremy and the SQUIP decide to experiment with Mountain Dew, and stumble upon the Dew to end all Dews, Baja Blast.





	Kiss Me, Jeremiah

**Author's Note:**

> So here's the deal. It's 4/20, the fifth day without a SINGLE post for squipemy, so I figured I'd take one for the team and end the drought. Originally, I was gonna post this sappy draft I wrote a while ago, but then I realized. It's 4/20.  
> Now, I'm not all too experienced a writing high characters, but I've done my fair share of research, so you can bet your ass Jeremy is getting his hands on some Baja Blast Mountain Dew (referencing this post: https://www.google.com/amp/s/livingtheupgrade.tumblr.com/post/165936833492/mountain-dew-headcanons/amp).  
> I've been experimenting with how to implement the different Mountain Dews into my writing, so I may have a couple more of these if y'all enjoy this one ;)

Jeremy stared at the aisle of Mountain Dew in the grocery store. There were several flavors he'd never tried, and he hadn't drank any Mountain Dew at all since activating his SQUIP. 

"Hey, SQUIP..." Jeremy said quietly, so the other shoppers didn't hear him. "If I, um... bought one of these... would it, I don't know, _do_ anything to you?" 

It had been several days since he got his SQUIP, and Jeremy was beginning to feel more comfortable with him. The SQUIP was like a bossy, nagging friend who needed attention 24/7, which wasn't all that bad. Especially not when Jeremy did what the SQUIP said. Those were the times when their relationship thrived. 

"I'm not quite sure, actually," The SQUIP replied, materializing beside Jeremy. 

The SQUIP looked perfect as always, not a hair out of place or a wrinkle in his clothing, and he had a contemplative look on his face that Jeremy thought was actually pretty charming. Jeremy thought that, if the SQUIP was a real person, he honestly might find the SQUIP attractive. 

"So, should I... buy one?" Jeremy reached forward, grabbing the nearest case. 

"Mm, I don't think so," The SQUIP said, eyeing the Mountain Dew Code Red in Jeremy's hands like it was going to shoot lasers at him. 

"Come on. I _really_ want to try some." 

"Alright, but, ah... maybe not anything red?" The SQUIP said. 

"Whatever," Jeremy shrugged, putting the Code Red back down.

He looked around at the other flavors. One caught his eye, and Jeremy made a beeline to where it sat on a shelf. 

"Oh my god, Baja Blast? I thought they got rid of this stuff ages ago!" Jeremy said, picking up a pack. He never tried it, but he thought that any flavor had to be better than normal Mountain Dew. 

"Mountain Dew re-releases this drink periodically, and it has been brought back several times in the last decade. Its newest release was in February, although the--"

"Okay, whatever," Jeremy said. "I don't need a history on Baja Blast, I just want to buy it." 

"I found this to be useful information, though," The SQUIP countered. 

"Okay, maybe useful to you. The only thing about this that would be useful to me is knowing what it does to you," Jeremy said, pointing a finger at the SQUIP. 

"I, unfortunately, do not have that information, as I have already stated." 

Jeremy and the SQUIP made a few more stops, picking up groceries for dinner and breakfast the next morning, then headed to the cash register. The SQUIP helped Jeremy sneak money out of his dad's wallet, which definitely helped when it came to shopping. Still, Jeremy felt a little guilty when he stood in line to pay. 

"Jeremy, look at me," The SQUIP said. "It's not like we're going out to buy AirPods and a Lamborghini. We're making sure you don't starve to death." 

The SQUIP's eyes held Jeremy's captive. Jeremy had never really noticed all of the nuances in them, faint grey lines running through a blue gradient in a way that looked like circuitry on a hard drive. It was brilliant and complex, and Jeremy wondered why he'd never seen it before. 

"I suppose you've never taken the time to see me at all," The SQUIP said, answering Jeremy's unspoken thoughts.

"Next in line!" A cashier yelled. Jeremy turned around and began putting his groceries on the counter. The cashier rang up everything in silence, the only sound the smacking of the gum she chewed. 

Jeremy drove home in the same brand of silence, though this one was accompanied by Jeremy's sighs and the shake of his head. His mind was stuck on the SQUIP, and his eyes, and what he said to Jeremy, and _Oh my god, he probably thought I was flirting with him._

_Was I?_

Jeremy blanched at the thought. 

_No. Nope. There is nothing wrong with thinking that his eyes are nice. They are, it's just a fact. SQUIP knows all about stating the facts. I'm sure he gets it._

Jeremy pulled up in the driveway, waiting a good five minutes before he cut the engine. He really didn't want to go into that house and deal with his dad. It was 6:00 p.m., so Mr. Heere had either just fallen asleep, or just woken up, depending on what kind of day it was. 

Jeremy dropped the groceries off in the kitchen (sans the Mountain Dew) and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw his dad sleeping soundly on the living room couch. 

_At least that means he probably went to work today. Probably._

Jeremy hiked up the stairs to his bedroom, greeted by the SQUIP sitting on his bed, legs crossed at the ankles and his arms crossed over his chest. Jeremy jumped, startled by the unexpected appearance. 

"God! Could you give me a warning next time?" Jeremy asked, setting down the pack of Mountain Dew. 

"What would be the fun in that?" The SQUIP teased. "You're too skittish. We have to work on that." 

"The only thing we have to work on now," Jeremy started, pulling a bottle of Mountain Dew from the case. "Is this." 

"I'm a tad nervous. This may have been a bad idea," The SQUIP said. 

"What? Getting cold feet now, after I already bought the drink?" 

"Well, it's lime flavored anyway. You don't like lime." 

"Says who?" 

"You, literally any time you're offered something lime flavored." 

Jeremy gave him a quick _humph_ and uncapped the lid of the drink. He wasn't going to let the SQUIP take away this new adventure. Besides, it probably wouldn't affect the SQUIP, anyway. 

"Well? How does it taste?" 

"Disgusting," Jeremy said, scrunching his nose. "But I need to drink more." 

"Jeremy, if you don't like the drink, you don't have to drink it." 

Jeremy looked at the SQUIP with a competitive grin on his face. 

"I think what you mean to say is, 'I'm scared, stop it,'" Jeremy walked over to where the SQUIP sat, waving the Mountain Dew in his face. "One sip isn't going to do anything to you," Jeremy said, lifting the bottle to his mouth again. "Bottoms up." 

The SQUIP watched in horror as Jeremy chugged half of the bottle. 

"Jeremy, that's a little excessive, especially since we don't know what it's going to do to me," The SQUIP said, scowling at Jeremy. 

Jeremy set the bottle down on his desk. 

"Hey, I had to suffer through drinking that nasty stuff, so it's only fair that you take whatever this thing does to you." 

"That is just about the most childish thing you've ever said to me," The SQUIP said, standing up. "You should get started on homework while we wait."

Jeremy rolled his eyes and sat down at his desk, pulling his homework out of his backpack. 

"How long do we have to wait for this to work, anyway?" Jeremy asked, staring blankly at his math assignments. He was in no mood to be doing anything productive. 

"Likely not much longer. I'll tell you if anything _exceptional_ happens, though I doubt it will." 

Jeremy grabbed a pencil and started completing his homework. He didn't necessarily need the SQUIP for math, because it had always been one of Jeremy's good subjects. However, he still liked to have the SQUIP hovering over his shoulder, giving him bits of advice and clever quips. He was also a good crutch, just in case Jeremy wrote something in wrong or didn't quite grasp a problem. He suddenly felt very lonely, not having the SQUIP right by his side. 

The SQUIP giggled from the other side of the room. 

He _giggled_. 

"You really need me that much, Jeremiah?" The SQUIP asked. Jeremy's gaze narrowed, keeping his attention on the assignment. He _didn't_ need the SQUIP laughing at him right now. 

The SQUIP giggled again. Jeremy sighed in exasperation. 

"What the hell is so funny?" Jeremy turned around. The SQUIP was sitting cross-legged on Jeremy's bed, biting his lip to hold in another laugh. 

"You're thinking about me, Jeremy," The SQUIP said, putting a hand over his mouth to giggle again. 

"Yeah? And?" 

"I just think... it's cute," The SQUIP smiled and giggled again like a schoolgirl. Jeremy's face turned red. 

 _Is he trying to make fun of me?_ Jeremy wondered angrily, turning back around to finish doing his homework. 

"Jeremy, why are you still doing your math?" 

"Because you told me to," Jeremy replied, disgruntled. 

"Come over here. I'm bored," The SQUIP said, patting the mattress beside him. Jeremy set down his pencil next to the half-empty bottle of Mountain Dew. 

 _Oh my god,_ Jeremy realized. _This must have something to do with the Mountain Dew._

"Bingo!" The SQUIP said, falling back onto the bed. "Now cuddle with me." 

"What?" Jeremy stood up and walked over to the side of the bed, confused by the sudden forwardness of the SQUIP. "What did you just say?" 

"I say a lot of things, Jeremy. A word is worth a thousand pictures. So get over here." 

Jeremy cautiously sat on the edge of the bed. 

"You feeling alright, SQUIP?" 

"I've never felt better in my entire life!" The SQUIP sat up and reached over to grab Jeremy's hand. Jeremy's eyes shot down, watching the SQUIP intertwine their fingers together. "Let's feel good together." 

"Is this a test?" Jeremy asked, looking up into the SQUIP's eyes, that magnificent blue and gray, but now Jeremy could see a redness to them. 

 _Oh,_ Jeremy had seen Michael high plenty of times, and red eyes were a telltale sign. _If the SQUIP is high, that would explain this, right?_

"Kiss me, Jeremiah," The SQUIP said, leaning forward. Jeremy leaned back. 

" _How,_ exactly, did this happen?" Jeremy asked, fighting back a blush by trying to focus on anything other than what the SQUIP was doing. 

"How did anything happen, Jeremy? We're all put on this earth just to figure out how we got here to begin with," The SQUIP said, looking off to the side dramatically. 

"You didn't answer my question." 

"Come on, Jeremy... I'll tell you if you let me kiss you," The SQUIP said, straddling Jeremy's lap. 

"Stop it. You don't want to kiss me, you're just high. Not that it even makes sense that a computer can get high, but..." 

"I do want to kiss you, Jeremy, and I know you want to kiss me, too," The SQUIP leaned in again, and Jeremy had to use all of his willpower to push the SQUIP back. This sent the SQUIP into a fit of giggles. 

"This is the Mountain Dew's fault, isn't it?" Jeremy asked, though he was already pretty sure of the answer. 

"I'd say it's _your_ fault, Jeremy. _You_ bought it," The SQUIP said, trailing a few fingers down Jeremy's chest. 

"Nope, nope, nope, nope, _nope!_ You are not doing this-- _we_ are not doing this!" Jeremy lifted the SQUIP off his lap, standing up and walking back to his desk. "I'm doing my homework. I don't like this experiment anymore." 

Truth be told, Jeremy was somewhat excited by the prospect of kissing the SQUIP. It was one of the things on his list of "Things I'd do if I stopped giving a fuck." But the SQUIP was high, and the feeling would probably pass, and if Jeremy kissed him, the SQUIP would always be able to hold it over Jeremy's head. The SQUIP would have an excuse, but what was Jeremy's? He'd just be that freak who kissed the bossy supercomputer in his mind. 

"Well, it's not very nice to call me bossy, Jeremiah. We should have a talk about manners!" The SQUIP jumped off the bed, standing next to Jeremy. "You can't call me names, because I'm a gentleman!" He stopped for a moment. "Wait, no, that's not right... you can't call me names, because _you're_ a gentleman!" The SQUIP nodded his head in approval at his own words. 

"What if I'm not a gentleman?" Jeremy grumbled, barely paying attention to the conversation as he struggled to finish his homework. 

"Nonsense. You are a certified, bona fide, 100% gentleman," The SQUIP patted Jeremy's shoulder. 

Jeremy ignored the SQUIP, filling in the answer to the final math problem. 

"Let's go get some more Mountain Dew flavors!" The SQUIP said as soon as Jeremy wrote the last digit. 

"I don't think so," Jeremy replied. He glanced at the clock. "We should probably make dinner." 

"Ooh, okay, let's make something cool!" 

"That sounds sketchy to me. What, um... what--"

"Let's make lasagna," The SQUIP said. 

"Lasagna? That's not nearly as bad as I was thinking. But, uh, we don't have the ingredients for that," Jeremy led the SQUIP down the hallway, but the SQUIP wouldn't follow him down the stairs. 

"Oh."

"Oh?" Jeremy asked, looking back up at the SQUIP. 

"Watch this," The SQUIP jumped down the stairs all at once, tripping as he landed. Jeremy reached out and caught him. The SQUIP looked up at Jeremy like he'd just been rescued from a burning building. 

"My hero!" The SQUIP said, mock-swooning in Jeremy's arms. Then, he bust out laughing again. Jeremy couldn't help but laugh a little, too, as they walked to the kitchen. 

Jeremy unloaded the groceries from their plastic bags. Bottled water, apples, pastries, and... 

The SQUIP pointed to a pack of instant ramen triumphantly. 

"See! I told you we had the right ingredients!" 

"SQUIP," Jeremy put his hands on the counter, trying to keep a straight face. "That's ramen." 

"Instant ramen is the lasagna of the poor, Jeremiah!" The SQUIP scoffed, unimpressed by Jeremy's lack of knowledge. 

Jeremy lost it, laughing his head off. He was never going to let the SQUIP live that down. The SQUIP must have thought it was funny, too, because he joined in with his own laughter. 

Once their laughter died down, Jeremy picked up a pack of ramen. 

"Ramen it is," He said, picking up the package. Jeremy pulled a small pot out and poured water into it.

"What-- What are you doing, Jeremy?" The SQUIP asked, like Jeremy was a crazy person. 

"Making the ramen?" 

"You need to put the noodles in the pot first," The SQUIP instructed. 

"No, I'm pretty sure you have to boil the water first," Jeremy argued half-heartedly. The SQUIP's antics were quite hilarious to him. 

"Wait, no. I'm thinking of cereal," The SQUIP said. The two of them laughed again. 

"While we wait for the water to boil, I should probably put the rest of the groceries away," Jeremy said, reaching for the case of water. 

"While we wait for the water to boil, you should kiss me," The SQUIP said, smiling mischievously. 

"God, not this again..." Jeremy picked up the water and set it in the refrigerator. "I'm not going to kiss you, SQUIP." 

"You're no fun," The SQUIP hopped onto the kitchen countertop. 

"Why are you so insistent about this, anyway?" Jeremy asked as he grabbed a bowl for the apples. 

"Well, obviously, I want to kiss you," The SQUIP said. 

"Yeah, no, I got that," Jeremy filled the decorative bowl with apples, setting it on the counter beside the SQUIP. Jeremy turned around, but the SQUIP grabbed his wrist, pulling him back. 

"I do _everything_ for you, and you can't just give me the one thing _I_ want?" The SQUIP pouted. 

"You're a computer. You don't want things, this is the Mountain Dew talking," Jeremy replied. 

"You don't know what I want! I will have you know that I am the most advanced version of the SQUIP ever to be created." 

"What's so advanced about you? You get high from half a bottle of Mountain Dew Baja Blast," Jeremy joked, pulling his arm away from the SQUIP to finish putting away his groceries. 

"Okay, that's fair," The SQUIP said, shrugging. 

Jeremy checked on the water, which was boiling. He dropped the contents of his pack of ramen into the water. 

"I wonder what boiling water feels like," The SQUIP mused. Jeremy gave him a worried look. 

"Not good," Jeremy said, hoping to end that thought. He was afraid it might lead to the SQUIP convincing him to stick his hand into the pot, which Jeremy was _not_ going to do. 

The SQUIP started ranting about every topic under the sun, from religion to why chili is objectively the worst soup known to man. Jeremy just nodded along with everything the SQUIP said, watching the way his movements became so lively and animated when he spoke so passionately. Jeremy couldn't help but think it was attractive, in a strange, SQUIP-like way. 

Dinner passed the same way as cooking it had, Jeremy mostly nodding and admiring the SQUIP, who never ran out of things to say. They walked back up the stairs to Jeremy's room while the SQUIP had a heated, one-sided debate on why _Avenue_ _Q_ was more educational than _Sesame Street_ , despite being a parody. 

Jeremy opened his bedroom door and sat down with the SQUIP on the floor. The SQUIP finally noticed the way Jeremy was staring at him, and he stopped mid sentence. 

"Jeremy?" The SQUIP slowly grinned. "Let's play a game." 

"A... a game?" Jeremy asked nervously. The last time someone looked at him like that and asked to play a game was when Chloe and Brooke tried to get Jeremy to play strip poker with them. 

"Don't worry, it's nothing bad," The SQUIP leaned forward and patted Jeremy's knee. "I just want to play truth or dare." 

_Shit. Of course he does._

"Come on... just one round?" 

"Fine, I guess. I mean, what's the worst that could happen?" Jeremy asked sarcastically. 

"I'll let you ask me first," The SQUIP said. 

"Okay, truth or dare, SQUIP?" 

"Hmm, I'll do truth." 

"Okay, uh..." Jeremy hadn't had any time to think of a question. "Uh, why are there SQUIPs in New Jersey, of all places?" 

"That's classified. But it's because some kid stole a bunch from the factory." 

"You just said it was classified," Jeremy pointed out. 

"Oh my god," The SQUIP put a hand over his mouth. "I did!" 

"No one's gonna hunt me down and kill me for knowing that, right? SQUIP, are--"

"Truth or dare?" The SQUIP asked. 

"Um, truth." 

"Come on! You're no fun," The SQUIP said. 

"You literally said the same thing as me." 

"Okay," The SQUIP sighed, "Here's your question: what part of me do you find the most attractive?" The SQUIP asked, a grin on his face. Jeremy couldn't say nothing, because that would be rude, but telling the truth would be embarrassing. "I'm waiting." 

"Your eyes. They're really pretty, actually," Jeremy said, looking off to the side. The SQUIP giggled. 

"Thanks for playing," The SQUIP said. Jeremy snapped his head back to look at the SQUIP. 

"Not so fast. I want to get you back," Jeremy said. 

"Oh?" The SQUIP said coyly. 

"Truth or dare?" 

"Dare." 

 _Damn,_ Jeremy thought. He'd been expecting the SQUIP to say truth again. 

"Alright, I dare you to..." Jeremy was stuck. What could you dare a supercomputer to do? A million inappropriate thoughts rushed into Jeremy's head. He buried them as soon as they surfaced. "I dare you to show me the scariest form you can take on." 

Jeremy prepared himself for a horrifying monster, Cthulhu or a demon or worse. His jaw dropped when the SQUIP took on a more familiar form, a short boy with a red hoodie and glasses, staring at Jeremy the same sad and confused way as he did when Jeremy told the SQUIP to turn optic nerve blocking on. Jeremy looked away, ashamed of the reminder of what he'd done. 

"You... you're a prick," Jeremy said to the SQUIP. 

"You asked for my scariest form," The SQUIP replied, returning to his old body with a shit-eating grin. Jeremy scowled at him, and the SQUIP just laughed. "Truth or dare, Jeremy?" 

"Dare," Jeremy said, hoping he'd get a chance to piss the SQUIP off just as much. 

"I dare you to remove one article of clothing," The SQUIP licked his lips. 

 _Fuck. I should've seen this coming,_ Jeremy thought, mentally slapping himself. 

"One article of _my_ clothing... or yours?" Jeremy asked worriedly. The SQUIP shrugged. 

Jeremy weighed his options. 

_If I take off a piece of his clothing, he might get the wrong idea. Like I want to see him naked or something. But he wants me to take off mine, right? Should I give him what he wants?_

"Jeremy, if you take much longer, I'm going to have to help you," The SQUIP said. Jeremy groaned. 

"Fine, I'm going, I'm going," Jeremy said. He lifted his shirt above his head, setting it on the floor next to them. The SQUIP smiled approvingly. 

"Jeremy, it's your turn to ask." 

"Truth or dare?" 

"I think I'll take a truth this time," The SQUIP said. 

"Okay... what, um... why do you want to kiss me so bad?" Jeremy asked. He figured this would be the closest he'd get to a real answer. 

"Because I like you, Jeremy," The SQUIP said as if it was no big deal. Jeremy took a moment to process what the SQUIP said. "Now, truth or dare?" 

"U-uh, dare?" Jeremy said before he had time to think. He only realized how terrible of a decision this was when the SQUIP gave him his dare. 

"Kiss me. Anywhere, it doesn't have to be my lips. But it could be. Surprise me," The SQUIP said. 

Jeremy gulped. There were so many ways this could go. 

_Anywhere, like, anywhere anywhere? I can't kiss him on the lips. That's too weird. And he's high, so it's not really fair to him. He doesn't know what he's saying. Not the cheek, not the forehead..._

_His hand. I'll kiss his hand._

Jeremy grabbed the SQUIP's hand, kissing the back of it quickly. 

"Jeremy, do I look like a Disney princess to you?" The SQUIP asked. "I'll let you try again. And, by the way, I'm not high anymore," The SQUIP said with a wink. 

Jeremy wondered just how long the SQUIP had been back to normal. He wondered how much of their game, how many of the questions and dares, had been completely influence-free. Jeremy sudden felt acutely aware of the fact that he was shirtless. He pulled his arms around his chest in an attempt to have a little modesty. 

_I guess this is happening._

Jeremy leaned forward and kissed the SQUIP on his lips, purely out of curiosity. Jeremy felt awkward, so he pulled away to look at the SQUIP again. When Jeremy saw that the SQUIP hadn't been joking or trying to trick Jeremy, and that he was actually happy with the kiss, Jeremy felt able to admit to himself that he kind of wanted to do that again. 

"It took you long enough."

**Author's Note:**

> Ack! This ended on a really sweet note, even though it was supposed to be a fun fic about the SQUIP getting high. You know, feelings, man.  
> Anyway, enjoy 4/20.


End file.
